Wednesday, September 10, 2008

If babies could talk (or write)

Dear Mommy,

We need to talk. My heart is breaking, and I don't know what to do.

I heard what you said the other day, when you were talking to Daddy. You really should be more careful when you're talking about me, you know. I can hear you. And I heard when you said that you "need some time" to yourself. About feeling like you're being "sucked dry." Whatever that means.

How could you? After all we've been through together, how could you? You're so selfish.

We're so good together, you and me. The way you carry me and feed me and sing to me. By the way, you sing like hell, but it's so sweet. So endearing. And the way you pinch my fat rolls and change my stinky diapers. The way you rock me. And play peek-a-boo. You're amazing. You've encouraged me to reach new heights, cheered me on as I've tried new things. You have taught me so much about life. Nine beautiful months, together night and day. It's been perfect.

And now. This.

What went wrong?

Is it me? Maybe it's me.

I'm too clingy, right? It's just that... I can't get enough of you. I want to be with you all the time. And now... now you won't even come see me during the night. It makes me crazy. Okay, maybe I went a little over the top last night, crying for an hour and a half... but don't you get it?! I need you. It hurts so bad when you leave. It's like you're never coming back. And this thing with the gym, with you leaving me with a total stranger for 30 whole minutes, then when you do come back you're all hot and sweaty. What gives? I don't even think I want to know.

Next thing I know, you'll be trying to wean me or something. God, it hurts. It hurts so bad.

But I just realized... I've been sending mixed signals, haven't I? Oh, man, I'm sorry. I know I crawl away from you sometimes. It's just that sometimes, I see an outlet I really want to stick my fingers in, and... oh, you know how it is... but it's only for a couple of minutes. And I know: I sit on my own, and I eat solid foods. You probably feel rejected. This is all my fault.

Let me clarify: I still need you. Every single minute.

Is it my weight? I know I've put on a few pounds, kind of let myself go. I lose some weight. That way you can carry me all day long and it won't even hurt. Think of how great it will be! It makes me so happy to think of it. You'll see.

I'm so sorry for everything. Can we try again? Just tell me what to do and I'll do it. Anything. You're so beautiful and perfect. I can't live without you. Please don't leave. Not for a single second.

Yours always, Caleb


  1. Oh no. Is that what really happens? Dang it, now I feel horrible when I went through it with my boy!

    Great post, by the way. : )

  2. "I'm too clingy, right?"

    OMG, so funny!!!

    I almost think it's easier when they're babies to get the alone time without guilt.

    I've been working (if you call the 30 days in the next 8 months working) and so when I haven't been here when the kids get home from school the guilt trip they have laid on me has been MASSIVE.

    Kids, face it, they're manipulative little


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