Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Taking stock

I have no idea why I even bothered to get up yesterday. It pretty much seemed like I failed at every single thing I touched. Here's a list. Read it: you'll feel better about yourself.

  1. I was being all efficient and got to Lowe's bright and early-- did you know all their Christmas stuff is 50% off?! You know what else? It really sucks when you lock your keys in your car. I had to call my in-laws and totally admit what an idiot I am and they drove to my house and got my spare keys and came to bail me out, while I strolled around Lowe's with a whining four-year-old and a screaming baby. The guys in Lumber looked at me like I had an arm growing out of my head. This episode should have served as warning that the rest of my day would be best spent drinking Bailey's on the rocks, rather than trying to be productive.
  2. Turns out that at least half of what I bought was wrong and has to be returned.
  3. I left one of my bags in the store.
  4. I tried to get gas but couldn't make the pump work.
  5. I couldn't write a blog post to save my life.
  6. Hell, I couldn't even write a coherent grocery list.
  7. As a direct result of Failure #5, we had no usable food in the house. Unless you count whole wheat flour, two eggs, apple cider, an overripe banana, moldy sour cream, and Velveeta. Oh, and Bailey's. And plenty of beer. For some reason I was having trouble whipping that up into a meal.
  8. I ate ice cream. Twice.
  9. When I finally managed to scavenge some food it took 45 minutes longer to cook than I had anticipated, making my son and husband late for The Meeting of the Venerable Cub Scouts.
  10. Somewhere in the haze, Evan had a monster temper tantrum. Enormous.

Perhaps for the sake of comparison I should make a list of everything that went well yesterday:

  1. No one got arrested.
  2. No one got food poisoning.
  3. I got to watch "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town" with Evan. (The Burger Meister Meister Burger rocks.)
  4. I went to bed at 8:30. Such mediocre ineptitude (or is it inept mediocrity? a question for the ages) is exhausting.

Told ya.


  1. holy hell, sounds like a 'should have stayed in bed and let the kids shift for themselves' kind of day! YIKES!
    helpful hints from an adoring (and experienced) aunt: ALWAYS keep a spare key for your vehicle in your wallet/purse.

    mix all ingredients, minus the mold from the sour cream and the Bailey's together, bake at 350 degrees for 45 minutes and insist that it is indeed food while you sip your Bailey's on ice. Did I mention that stuff (the Bailey's) can be addicting?

    Finally, someday the kids will be grown and you'll be sitting around reciting that famous Grandma Elna mantra 'oh it wasn't so bad''s good you'll have your blog to correct that false thinking lol.

  2. SEriously?? I use the "I'm Mr. Heat meiser I'm Mr. sUn...I'm mr. heat meiser, I'm Mr. Hundred and one." All. The. Time. My students think I am an idiot, but I am pretty sure that me singing that song wasn't even close to the last nail in the coffin on that judgement. Here's hoping tomorrow is a better one.


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