Faith Restored

I was having a bit of a breakdown last night.

You knew this was coming. I nursed Caleb for the last time. {sigh} I thought I was going to be sane, planned to be objective and strong, but when it was all said and done I was a mess. Melancholy, morose me.

Then my husband made popcorn and gave me a beer and sat me down in front of the television.

And you know what was on?

"Talladega Nights."

It saved me.

Please do not ask me how I ended up with the sense of humor of a teenage boy. Let's just chalk it up to me being complex and intriguing.

All I know is that there must be a God, and last night God sent Will Farrell to pull me back from an abyss of self-pity.

The end.

For my family

Dear Grandma,

It's a beautiful fall day. The weather is starting to turn, the kind of day that just makes you happy. I've been thinking about you a lot this week.

I wanted to tell you how much I miss you. Sometimes, three years later, I still feel a big hole. The knowledge that you were there always made the world just a little better. I wish badly that I could talk to you, and share with you. Just to update you on the news. We're still the same loud, loving, opinionated family you oversaw... with a few personnel changes.

We had another baby-- I have three little boys! Cory and Anthony had a baby, too (did you even know they had gotten married?). Eric got married to Vicki and they had an adorable little girl. Cassie and Matt have a little girl who looks exactly like her mommy. Kati and JP added a little boy. Chris and Jennie adopted a little girl, and on the day of your funeral Jennie told me she just felt that was going to happen. Erin and Jeremy are having another baby very (!) soon. And Ali and Dustin are adopting a little boy in December. (Did I forget anyone? Maybe....) How many great-grandchildren does this make? A lot....

And we're still growing up and moving around and moving on. Annie's in South Korea. Phil's in Sweden. Laura's in college (she's so old!). Erin and Jeremy moved. We moved. Cassie and Cory are in Chicago. I don't even know what everyone else is up to.

And. We lost Barb this summer. You would be so proud of her boys, Grandma. I know we all wish we could make it easier for them, but they did everything right by their mom. Even in the sadness, I know how happy that would make you. And Jennie is sick now. We know she's going to fight and win-- we just want to give her all the strength and love in the world.

A lot of us will be together this weekend, because Mike's getting married to Tammy! We'll think of you, and wish you could be there with us, and wish we could have a wheelchair dance with you. We'll have plenty of fun for you, and I'll be sure to let you know what the menu is.

Anyway. Thank you, Grandma. Even when I miss you the most, I can think about this wonderful family that you gave us and it immediately brings me peace. They are the best gift you could have left. And through each other, we will always have you.